Jesus Calling devotional:
"Instead of scrutinizing your checklist, focus your attention on My Presence with you.
This continual contact with Me will keep you in My Peace.
Moreover, I will help you sort out what is important and what is not, what needs to be done now and what does not. Fix your eyes on what is seen, (your circumstance), but on what is unseen, (My Presence)." -2 Corinthians 4:18
I guess God really does have every little life detail planned out. That was my devo for the morning and it fits perfectly exactly into my day..
I woke up late for a cancer lab test appointment thing and rushed to the office. I sat down with my scheduling lady as she gave me all of my appointments for this week and next. We worked on switching all of tomorrow's appointments because of grandpa's funeral and were on our way.Walking down the stairs and into the parking lot, it seemed to all weigh on me. And as I opened my car door to see Grandpa's funeral program in the passenger seat, I cracked.
I just had to push my CANCER PATIENT APPOINTMENTS around so that I could make it to my GRANDPAS FUNERAL... I lost it. This is me admitting my first moment of weakness. It's like everything that I knew to be true had just been shut out and all I could feel and think was that my 1 absolute favorite man to walk this earth was gone. He was supposed to play bingo with me tomorrow. He was supposed to walk me down the aisle in a few years. He was supposed to be there when I walked in his front door yelling, "Maddie Maddie from Cincinnati!" like he always does, and make fun of my prayers for being too long.
I thank God for God, because without His son, I don't know that I could do this. The song "Strong Enough" by Matthew West has been stuck in my head. Lyrics like this...
"You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do on my own
I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me Lord right now, I'm asking you to be
Strong enough for the both of us
Well maybe that's the point To reach the point of giving up
Cause when I'm finally Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up And reaching out
Cause I'm broken, down to nothing But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God and you are strong when I am weak
I can do all thingsThrough Christ who gives me strength
and I don't have to beStrong Enough"
So these lyrics flood in my thoughts and a friend reminds me that grandpa isn't gone, it's just his shell. Grandpa's clinging to Jesus now, who is my strength. All of this is only temporary and comforts me in the Word of God, reminding me of all of Christ's promises.
God is good and God is holding my family. God is holding every minute detail and heart break of ours. He has it. He has a plan. Grandpa was such a hoot and there will be floods of people at his funeral, I pray that the Holy Spirit 2000% takes over and as I walk up to give Grandpa's eulogy tomorrow, that He can change lives in the room...that people will strengthen, or even start walking with Christ.
Don't let a temporary problem or the decease of someone's shell weigh you down, God has His Holy Spirit to give you and THAT is what needs to be alive.
Grandpa, you changed my world, I'll be seein' you