I was sitting in Moffitt during my last treatment and I received 3 phone calls in ONE day of friends getting engaged. Um what. Obviously, I can't help but be ecstatic because my friends are in love and what an incredible chapter to be writing!
But let me throw in 4 seconds of a maddie miller pity party... I can't help but think about all of these life changing jewelries that are going around... and the one that I get is a chemotherapy hospital bracelet. ...I said pity party, did I not?...
Now let me throw in 10 minutes of praise the Lord... I was talking to the Man on my way home from dinner and in being still (and focusing on the road...) with Him , I realized realistically, deeply and truly how excited I am to own this cancer...to wear this bracelet. This annoying, hideous, white bracelet. Because can I tell you what this bracelet means to me?
its an assignment: a mission field bigger than any in my wildest dreams.
its a joy: God chose me to fulfill such a huge plan of spreading His name
its a race: in which I must be training myself daily to take every step with Christ
its a victory: knowing my God has already won the spiritual battles
its a comfort: reminding me that God is in control, planned what's next and gone through it
its a commitment: between me & Jesus to do life together in this divine love
This may not be an engagement ring, but it's MY life changing piece of jewelry and I love it.
Gametime, finish the sentence:
I'm pretty sure that the only way someone could be excited about cancer is...
if there's a God that's alive and sending his own spirit to go live in them.
if they were SURROUNDED by love, support and encouragement.
if prayers were constantly flowing.
if lives were changing and others started seeing who Jesus is because of it.
if their mailbox was always full of love!
Let me just also say that God..Jesus..Holy Spirit..just not equivalent to anything else in the universe. I'm starting to really see how deep and real a relationship with Jesus can go. I mean: church (check), small group (check). Things with God can just get so religious and terrible and mediocre. but we're getting offered a love, a relationship that can't match anything else. A love that doesn't let us worry for even a second, or have fear at all! A love that is constant. A love full of surprises. Who doesn't want a cute love story...
I woke up the other morning stressing about my rent for some reason...probably because I didn't have it. (can't work) So I decided I'd take it out of my savings, but that wasn't really sitting right with me. I told Jesus all day that it was stressing me a tad.. It was in the back of my mind all day...until I get to the mail box. I open box #58 and of course that's in there Jesus.
A check for my next 2 months of rent.
Can you just read that one more time? Seriously. This happened. Praise God!
List of other blessings that've come out of my ugly bracelet:
A donated photo shoot by Corey & Abbey Conroy
A decorated apartment
Clothes & real jewelry
Flowers & giftcards
Baskets full of goodies!
Planned fundraiser (in August! keep your eyes peeled for a date!)
Paul, my fish
the Rest of my kitchen appliances & cheetah print high heel chair (thanks Dad;)
A new scar
A wig (elaborated below)
My dream job (elaborated below)
Journal Entry 5/28 No Hair for My Hairbrush
I wake up to lots of hair piles on my pillow. I ran my fingers through my hair and came out with handfuls of hair... My eyes start to water so I grab my trash can and sit cross cross apple sauce in front of it and spend the next 15 minutes of my short little life bawling my eyes out and pulling out what's left of my hair. Boyfriend at the time comes over and crashes my party, holds me, says all these perfect words and picks me up to take me to a salon to get the rest buzzed off. I really didn't want the hair lady to turn my chair around because in my head, being bald was going to be the worst thing that ever happened to me. So I go home, hours go by and I'm alone, I take it off when I get this a text that says this (keep in mind Maddie Williams didn't know I had just lost my hair, no one did):
"Maddie-I found these notes and I think I'm supposed to send them to you- Beauty doesn't come from the adornment of clothes, jewelry or hair. External beauty changes, after a while it all becomes "ugly". It's inner beauty that matters, that will be eternal.The Bible was written thousands of years ago and the words to describe a beautiful person are the same as now. So being created by God, we know that we don't need the adornment of clothes or anything to be beautiful."
There it was-my reminder of where my confidence comes from and a reminder of Who makes me beautiful, not what makes me beautiful. So I took the wig off and never put it back on...Extremely much to my surprise, I liked life a lot better without the wig. It keeps me cool...like a manly cool. Since I'm bald. However, I'm pretty sure 99% of people that look at me, think that I did this for fun. Welcome to 2013 I guess. So that's that, the bald life is the great life and give your fears to the Lord because only He knows how to comfort you in the mightiest way! (Enjoy today's wig photoshoot)
MY DREAM JOB
Blaze Allure Events has been officially made an LLC. Website to come! Send me weddings, fundraisers, and events to plan!! It soothes me to organize. Also...the business cards are adorable, so come get one!
YOUR struggles...try Jesus & pray for them. You weren't meant to deal with it alone.
Choose the Holy Spirit daily...well only if you want joy, purpose, peace, & comfort. ;)
This is getting long...Moffitt on Wednesday for a week!
Inbox me what I can pray for you for!
I miss my grandpa..
And my favorite Bible verse is John 14:16-17
"And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate (Encourager, Comforter), who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth...But you know him, because he lives with you now, and later will live in you."