One of my last chemotherapies, I remember being extremely depressed at the whole situation. that I was stuck there. that I had turned boring. that I wasn't motivated to move. My phone had gone off a bazillion times and people wanted to come visit. No. I wouldn't have that, "I don't want people right now," I remember thinking.
Well low and behold, Annie Mayberry makes her way up to Moffitt anyways. Oh that Annie Mayberry :) God is God. She said she felt she was supposed to be there in that dreadful room with me... Turns out...we had the greatest time! We laughed, we cried, we swapped stories. I remember thanking God for being more stubborn than me and need to have His way over mine. Well, right before Annie leaves she says, "hey listen to Oceans by Hillsong".
I did. I loved it. But never listened to it again...
Months and months go by. Hillsong comes in town! BFF Alaina and I got tickets, I was so excited to get Jesus music blasted in my ear drums. Mind you, I still hadn't and still can't go to church...the crowds and what not. My immune system is still trying to find its way home :/ But I chanced it and went to Hillsong. It was hard for me. I had to keep sitting down like a grandma at a rock concert. EMBARRASSING. I'm sure people are looking like
"why does that teenage boy keep sitting down every other song..."
Well, then, lead singer man prays for the hopeless feeling and lost people of the world. I thought "oh nice prayer. Time to sit again" Then it comes on...
This song I hadn't heard since my Annie Mayberry night! You'd think I'd be happy to hear it again, but I wasn't. As soon as the first line finishes, I'm crying like a darn baby. This wave of depression, and loneliness had completely taken over. My heart hurt just like it did the night Annie Mayberry had me listen to Oceans the first time. Then the dude's prayer for the hopeless came back into my thoughts and I realized I had let myself feel hopeless in Moffitt. Then the feeling magnifies. And I started to hurt even more, not for myself, but for the people who don't know Jesus that are sitting in Moffitt. The people that are there way longer than I ever had to be. The people that have to call that place home until they're "released". Jail. They're stuck there until they're told they can go. Jail. (Sorry to all my facebook friends who were my nurses...you made it a fun jail).
So I start praying for these people. Cancer patients. Who don't know Jesus. Oh how they must fear death and pain.
Then it's like I hear God's whisper. "Bring these people to Me. Bring these people to Hope, bald." And I start crying even harder because I thought I was being told to stay bald and minister to people at Moffitt... which now that I think about it doesn't make too much sense, actually.
Weeks go by and I obviously pray a lot about this because ...i don't want to be bald. As I was finishing a letter to God on December 27, it hits like a load of brownies. I'm supposed to be bringing hope to these people, showing the Light in their darkness. (the Light being God). I really am supposed to do this bald..
So as 2014 kicks off, so does BALD. To be delivered to Moffitt tomorrow:
This is a God thing. 100%. If you tell me good job or something, I'll delete it... BUT, if you want to join the BALD community, I'm going to prayerfully make this an every holiday thing!
Anywho, I hear the fireworks.2013 was interesting,sad,hard,full of growth,crazy,full of new things,full of lost things,most of all, was COMPLETELY saturated in Jesus Christ.
All glory be to God, forever and ever! AMEN 2013!!!!!!!